Is this the Sherlock Fan Hotline? Help me. I don’t think I can make it to Season 3.

The Fandom Who Waits

“Hello. Thank you for calling the Sherlock Fan Hotline. My name’s Molly. How may I help you?”

“I…I…I don’t think I can wait any longer.”

“You don’t think you can wait any longer. Any longer for?”

“Season 3. The pain. The pain is so  unbearable.”

“The pain has become unbearable waiting for Season 3?”

“Yes.”

“Where are you? Are you some place safe and comfortable?”

“I’m home. In my living room.”

“Are you alone?”

“Yes.”

“I see. Tell me did  you just watch The Reichenbach Fall?”

An uncontrollable sob nearly deafens Molly. “Yee—es!”

“How many times have you watched RF?”

“Over two dozen.”

“And do you always watch it alone?”

“Yes. After the fifth time. Yes. No one else in my family will watch it with me any more.”

“I see. I understand. You’re suffering from Chronic Reichenfeels. It’s okay. You’re not alone. Do you understand, you are not alone.”

“Ye—es. But I feel so alone.”

“Of course you do. You feel like John.”

“Yes! Yes! That’s it exactly. Poor John! He doesn’t know.” Here the crying begins again. After several moments it subsides. “If only I could let John know Sherlock’s not dead. That he did it because he loves John and cares about Mrs. Hudson and Greg Lestrade. Poor John. I just feel so helpless.”

“So alone?”

“YES!”

“All right, you are not alone. I’m here for you. And there are lots of other people suffering from Reichenfeels like you. So here’s what I want you to do. Are you listening?”

“Yes.”

“Repeat after me. I am not alone.” There’s a pause. “Come on. Say it. I am not alone.”

“I…am not alone.”

“Good. There are millions of Sherlock fans suffering from the same affliction. Now whenever you start feeling alone I want you to say to yourself I am not alone. Okay?”

“O-okay.”

“Good. Now the other thing I want you to do is promise me you won’t watch RF by yourself again.”

“Oh.”

“I understand, but I want you to find some other Sherlocked people who can watch the episodes with you. If not face to face, then video conference, real-time tweeting, if all else fails, call here again and ask for Molly. Promise.”

“All right. I promise.”

“Good. Now I want you to also go find some good fan fiction and artwork. Not the gloomy, angsty things that make your RF worse, but try something that makes you all tingly and bubbly like these suggestions Ariel’s Miscellany. Or try the cartoons and Sherlock cracked insanity on Tumblr. Okay?”

“All right. I’ll try.”

“Feeling better?”

“A bit better.”

“Good. Now go watch the Buckingham Palace scene from Scandal in Belgravia and the post-shooting scene in A Study in Pink.”

“Oh, I love those scenes!”

“I’m in shock —”

“Look. I’ve got a blanket!”

Both women start to laugh. And another fan is saved from Reichenfeels tragedy thanks to the Sherlock Fan Hotline.

I’ve actually got a Season 2 Sherlock-a-thon scheduled for this Saturday. There will be four of us. Two have never seen Season 2 all the way through. I’m the only one who can quote most of the episodes…